June 1983

MECHANICAL BEING OF THE MONTH

CONTENTS

Up Front

So you've picked up this VIDIOT and want to know about the new movie that features both Darth Vader and the Starship Enterprise? You mean you don't already know? It's called The Jedi's Trek, and rumors are already circulating that it'll by the biggest moneymaker the world has even seen.

Vidiot Mail

BUENO ENCHILADA! As you see my name is René, but I'm not a girl, I'm a boy. Over here in Puerto Rico the name René is a name for boys. Please don't made the mistake on calling me Miss. Thanks for your attention. René Matos Puerto Rico You bet, ma'am.—Ed.

VIDIOT NEWS

PETTY PUKES ST. LOUIS—If you don't see much more of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers on MTV, there's a reason. "I hate videos," Petty said. "If I see one more, I'll puke. "You can't tell who people are," the blond guitarist added. "Is this guy the bass player?

Joysticks Are GO!

RICK JOHNSON

Do you remember your first joystick? OK, so maybe it wasn't an experience up there with your first kiss or first taste of new smoker's mayonnaise. Think hard— are you sure you can't recall that cuddly, primitive plastic carrot that stuck its little nose-stick out of your very first, freshlyripped-to-shreds game box in the glory days since-the Great Paddle Disavowal?

HARDWARE/SOFTWARE

RICHARD ROBINSON

NEW RECORDS FOR THE SAME OLD SONG I'm not one to argue against the future. But I am inclined to complain when the future comes too soon. Or when it doesn't work as well as the present. "Progress" has been a cult in this country for so long that what follows may not make any sense to you.

BIT BY THE VID BUZZ

P. GREGORY SPRINGER

People die. They may not be dropping off like summer flies in an electric zapper, but the Deadly Videogame has earned the right to carve more than a few notches on its joystick. Some undeniable, demonstrated power force lurks behind the electronic screen, and no player is entirely immune to its ray, lethal or not.

ARCADE DOs & DON'Ts A Guide To Gaming Protocol

MARK J. NORTON

With the coming of the New Electronic age, we must deal with an entirely revamped moral code. A New Etiquette. Arcades have replaced the high school dance, videogames have replaced pinball, the times are changin', blah blah blah. If you spend any of your leisure hours stuffing quarters into machines at vid parlors, you must still deal with members of the human race.

VID-KID OF THE MONTH: GENE SIMMONS OF KISS

Alright! Gene's no fool, and he knows where most of the Kiss Army spend their dough, being the videodrones they are!

VIDIOT'S GUIDE TO HOME COMPUTERS

RICHARD ROBINSON

There's a big difference between wanting a home computer, buying a home computer, and having a personal computer at home that will actually do some computing for you. In this special guide, VIDIOT'S editors do what no other magazine has ever done: tell you the truth about home computers.

ARCADE ACTION

P. GREGORY SPRINGER

POLE POSITION - Prepare to Qualify! You won't, if you don't get 73 seconds or better on the time trials. Pole Position whipped Turbo off the scorecard this month, jumping right up into the ratings as #1. Mt. Fuji patiently waits in the background scenery of the Grand Prix, probably the only peaceful thing about the game.

ACADE ACTION CLOSE-UP

Little in life could ever be so predictable as the inevitable arrival of the Star Trek videogame. It was only a matter of time that the two forms met formally, shook hands, and put us all in Captain James T. Kirk's driver's seat. After all these years, it's both an honor and a challenge to be asked to fill those boots.

THE MAGAZINE OF VIDEO LUNACY!

PLAYING by the BOOK

J. KORDOSH

There seem to be more how-to books around than there used to be. This means one of two things: either there's a lot more to do nowadays, or a lot of people know a lot less about doing anything. What the hell, maybe it just means they're easy to write.

STEPPIN' OUT FOR VIDIOT!

Hey! Look who's steppin' out of the tube! It's Boy Howdy, the lovable mascot of VIDIOT's sister magazine, CREEM. Boy's steppin' out to find out what you—the reader—think of VIDIOT! Is there something you'd especially like to see in the magazine?

I Call on the Godfather: Reliving History With Dick Clark

Toby Goldstein

When I was 12, I had a fantasy. No, we're not talking about the "grow up and become an actress" dream, or the "gee, I wish I lived in a big house and had my own room instead of this cramped apartment" entreaty. Not even some vague reward-thoughts about an extra dollar in the allowance if I brought home all A's—which, at least, usually happened.

EYE/HANDS WHAT'S NEW IN VIDEO

Steve Kenyon

Sorry, Star Wars freaks. Looks like you've got another less-than-thrilling videogame to play with.

MY MTV VJ AUDITION

JIM FELDMAN

Little did my friend Sue—ace MTV publicist—know what she was doing when, several months ago, she called to suggest that I audition for MTV's newlyannounced, sixth VJ (Video Jockey) slot and then write an article about the experience. No doubt she figured that she was doing her job—getting press coverage for her employer—and providing a friend with an out-of-theordinary story idea.

NINA BLACKWOOD IS A VID-KID!

INSIDE VIDEODROME: David Cronenberg’s Mind Over Matter

TOBY GOLDSTEIN

David Cronenberg doesn't look like the kind of guy who'd make movies about people's heads being blown up, a man's innards becoming the convenient repository for hallucinogenic videocassettes, or a woman waking up from surgery with a full-size ravenous sexual organ under her arm.

ROCK VIDIOCY WHAT'S BLACK & WHITE & WATCHED ALL OVER?

DAVE DiMARTINO

If you've been listening, there's been a lot of people using the word "racism" lately that might not have been using it before. It's a touchy subject, no lie—but it's galling to hear it used so casually. Here's the scoop: You've probably read someone, somewhere, dismissing MTV's music programming as racist —this because black acts are very rarely featured and, when featured, are black "rock" bands like the Bus Boys, Gory "U.S." Bonds, or the English Beat.

CAPT. VIDIOT Electronic Q & A

I made several Super 8 films when I was a high school student, and now I'm wondering what to do with them. I never spliced them all together, because I recorded several soundtracks for each on a separate tape machine, and it's too awkward to keep switching tapes or to attempt to do overdubs all over again.

PLACES WE’D LIKE TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES!!

Who sez you have to play videogames in an arcade or the comfort of your own living room? With the video phenomenon sweeping the nation (and probably the universe), there's a whole variety of places you can whomp those little video suckers—on the job, on a boat, in a tree!!

CHERIE CURRIE IS A VID-KID!

WHAT KIND OF HUMAN WRITES VIDIOTTM?

Here is one of our editors hard at work doing research for our next issue. Watch for his tips in the next issue of VIDIOT.